Respect Your Butt

I've always had a pretty flat butt, and at some point in my 43 years, it became flat and saggy. Last time I caught a glimpse of it I was dismayed to find it is now flat, saggy and lumpy. Horrors. It's hard to love an ass like that. (Of course, it's all relative. I've seen worse!) Every once in awhile you might spot a smooth, round, perky butt, but the truth is, most butts aren't all that pretty. And why should they be? Really, why do we expect our butts to be cute? They are for sitting and shitting! Nothing cute about that.

I don't want to get too carried away, but you get the point, don't you? A body's job is to carry it's person through life. Some bodies do better than others, but they all do the best they can. Think about the miraculous complexity of a functioning body. Think of all the things that have to work right for a body to thrive. And on top of all that, we expect it to look just so? My, we are a demanding bunch.

It seems like most of us are in a constant battle with our bodies. We are quite critical, judgmental and demanding. It is as if our bodies were somehow separate from us, and somehow deliberately behaving badly (by doing such deplorable things as becoming saggy and lumpy) just to thwart us.

I think if we can take a more forgiving and appreciative tone with our bodies, if we can show a little respect, it might become easier and more natural to eat well and exercise. Although I cannot fully accept my body the way it is (I do want it to change a little, but my expectations are very realistic--I'm not trying to make it into something it's not.), I can certainly appreciate it. I respect it. I am grateful to it for carrying me through every day of my life. And that makes me want to take care of it.

For some people, this is a no-brainer, but if you are someone who is at battle with your body, it might be very helpful for you to try to adopt an Attitude of Gratitude (as they teach in my daughter's martial arts class).

So the next time you glimpse your back end and immediately start thinking mean and ugly thoughts, stop and show a little respect. Imagine what it would be like to go through life without your butt. Say thank you to your butt for doing what it does best. Be grateful to your body and take care of it so it can continue carrying you through your life as long as possible.

On Being Zennier

One day I was driving down Highway 9 feeling exceeding frumpy. Not just frumpy, but also fat and fatigued. I worked myself up into a snit of dissatisfaction. I wanted to go buy new clothes, as if that would help. Then I stopped and noticed what I was doing, and told myself, in a slightly rude tone, "You should be Zennier!" As in, if only I could have a more Zen approach to life I would not be in this snit, if only, if only. I laughed at the irony of my silly internal dialog. I was approaching Zen Buddhism with the same whiny graspingness that I was approaching the desire to go shopping as an antidote for my unfortunate frumpiness.

I rolled my eyes at myself and moved on to something a little more productive. The being Zennier was not bad advice in and of itself. What would it mean to let go of desire--like the desire to be thinner and better dressed and more energetic--and simply accept each moment, accept my body (and my wardrobe)? Try to imagine fully accepting your body, just as it is. I felt very strongly that there was something to this, that this might indeed be the key I'd been looking for, that maybe accepting your body just as it is would unlock it's capacity to change into what you really wanted it to be. What? I might have been on to something, but I was clearly missing something.

Plus, wasn't fully accepting my body what got me into this in the first place? While I was pregnant with my daughter, I decided to do something I'd never done before: trust my body. Well, what my body told me to do during my pregnancy was eat, and, especially, to eat hot fudge sundaes. I gained 50 pounds and birthed a 10 1/2 pound baby. I continued to eat with great gusto, but breastfeeding my giant baby allowed me to lose all the weight I'd gained. It was a happy time. Then her new little teeth started to rot, and her dentist recommended I wean her. Although my body wanted desperately to keep nursing, my milk was turning her perfect little teeth to dust, so I did what I was told. Unfortunately, no one told me to stop eating for two.

As I continued to find great pleasure in eating, I simply accepted my body as it grew and grew. I thought of all my training in feminism and the impact of the media on our body images and expectations, our ideas of beauty, and I chose to be what I thought was a good feminist and a good Buddhist and just accepted my growing body for what it was.

Well, needless to say, that approach turned out to be a little misguided. There was nothing wrong with striving toward feminism and Buddhism, to be sure, but I must have been going about it all the wrong way, because I ended up too fat to be happy or healthy. I still can't quite work it all out in my head. There's something about this deep acceptance that still feels compelling and important, but if you accept your body as it is, how do you motivate yourself to set goals and make changes to help your body be happier and healthier? I'm really stuck on this, and I'm hoping someone out there is a better Buddhist than I am and can shed some light on this conundrum. (I'm not even a Buddhist, so that makes this whole circular argument even more off track!) In the meantime, I'm reading a book called "The Zen of Eating," so perhaps that will guide me. I'll let you know when I get it all figured out!

A Few More Things to Say About Relaxation

When I wrote my last post, I have to admit, I was not practicing what I preach in any way. I wrote it standing up in the kitchen cooking bacon (organic, of course) for my daughter. I apologize for not giving you my full attention. I hated re-reading the post and finding typos. But I have to take the opportunities to write when and where I find them.

In my distraction, I left out a few essential points.

Chronic stress is so harmful to our minds in bodies in so many ways, one of which is it causes us to retain weight, which makes it particularly relevant for our discussion here. Something as simple as taking deep breaths can have a huge benefit. In our class they told the story of a patient who came in with cardiac problems, and they showed us the EKG printouts from before and after the patient practiced two minutes of deep breathing. Before, the heart rate was dangerously high, and after, it was within normal limits. Such a simple intervention.

I also forgot to point out how relaxation techniques give us opportunities to BE IN OUR BODIES. Many of us live our lives feeling very disconnected from our bodies. We may judge, abuse and criticize our bodies, but rarely do we fully occupy them. When doing any kind of relaxation exercise, try to intentionally experience being in each part of your body. Start by just feeling your scalp. How is your scalp doing? What does it feel like? Give it your full attention. Then work your way down.

I tried this during my commute recently and found the process a little disappointing because so many parts of my body were uncomfortable on my long car ride. Hmm, here is my nose, it feels a little stuffy. Here is my jaw which is clenched. Here is my parched throat. This is not so fun. I was reminded of that scene at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark when Karen Allen's character challenges Indy: "Damnit, Jones, where DOESN'T it hurt?!" I also thought of my mom who has so many physical problems that an exercise like this might seem like pure torture to her. But, as I worked my way down, I was pleased to discover that my elbows and knees were not uncomfortable in any way. They felt perfectly fine. As I spent some time with them, they started feeling zippy. They almost tingled with their happy absence of discomfort. That cheered me up.

So try being in each part of your body, but you don't have to stop there. Try breathing into a specific part of your body. Try imagining a warm light bathing each part of your body in relaxing, healing energy. Experiment a little.

If you need a little guidance with this kind of thing, check out www.kimeronhardin.com. (Sorry, I failed in my attempt to make this a link.) Click on "pain and stress issues" and take a look at his CD: Drifting Downstream.