It all started with the class I took having a "three-legged stool" approach, the third leg being self care. (The first two, I hope you got, were intuitive eating and exercise.) They always said that self care was just as important as the other two legs of weight management, but when I started thinking about writing this, I realized they never really explained why.
First, they taught stress management tools: progressive muscle relaxation, visualization, deep breathing and meditation. A lot of people over-eat when they're stressed, so this makes sense. Then they focused on emotional self care, which included doing a self-care inventory to identify "what's fueling you" and "what's draining you" and then writing a self care list to remind us of specific ways to care for ourselves. A lot of people eat for emotional reasons, so caring for our emotions makes sense too.
I will elaborate on all this later, but I want to take the whole concept a little further first. I just found the one paragraph in the class workbook that offers their explanation for encouraging self care:
"When we listen to and treat ourselves with respect, compassion and gentleness, it helps us remain committed or get back on track with our nutrition, fitness and stress management behavior goals. Self-Care is a way of living that helps us maintain personal balance, replenish energy and motivation, and grow as a person. It is not selfish to practice regular self-care."
This is getting closer.
In my field (social work), there is a lot of talk about self-care. It's something we are meant to practice ourselves as well as teach our clients. I get sick of hearing about it. It's a great idea, but it's beginning to sound trite and contrived to me. For example, one of the suggestion in our work book is: mail yourself cards of encouragement and appreciation. Oh please! That one just makes me want to cuss.
But, I tell myself, take a step back. It's not just about treating yourself to a pedicure once a month. It's not just taking deep breaths to avoid eating a bag of fried pork rinds. (What ARE those, anyway?) It is a way of living with deep self respect. If we can, as they recommended, "listen to and treat ourselves with respect, compassion and gentleness," won't it just come naturally to eat healthy food, listen to our bodies, be physically active?
I guess where I'm struggling is that this self-care idea is presented as a means to an end, a TOOL to use to help you lose weight. Sure, it can be helpful that way, but can't it be so much bigger than that?
Instead of thinking of self care as the third leg of the stool, think about what it would mean to fully and deeply respect your body and appreciate the life it gives you. What would it be like to mindfully inhabit your body in each moment? Would that change your whole relationship to food? To exercise? To the whole idea of "weight management"?
Working with all of these ideas has really taken on a life of its own. While I still wish for a thinner, more fit body, I also feel like I've sort of stumbled on to something much more important. This has become, in a sense, something of a spiritual quest for me.
So, I will go back and talk about some more specific ideas regarding self care. (I keep changing my mind about whether or not to hyphenate that. Sorry for the inconsistency.) I also have a lot to say about visualization in particular. Then there is a little Zen Buddhism to address. And I have to write a little something which I will entitle: Respect Your Butt. I might throw in a little neurobiology. And of course, everything always comes back to mindfulness. (Have you noticed that?)
There is so much fun still in store, so stay tuned! Right now, however, I'm going to go on a little run with with the dog before it rains again.
Take care.
